Taken by surprise

I am simply astounded. I can't believe all the new crap I've learned as of late. For example, the number 18, to all appearances, haunts me and I know not why. And on top of this, I feel as though I am falling in love all over again....with the same guy! The very man who once previously was the love of my life, and who broke my heart, I feel....I feel like I'm falling even harder, all over again. Not that I ever stopped loving him of course, I didn't. I continued to love him even when it appeared he had lost all feelings for me save that of hatred. But now, it's so hard to explain. -laughs-. And today I found old notes that I had written him, poems, and the such. He saved them! I'm so... unbelieveably stricken with...awe? No. Surprise? Yes. -laughs again-. Even Love that is so..odd, that it almost hurts. I find it so...romantic maybe? I don't know. -nervously laughs and blushes-. All I do know is that I'm willing to wait for all eternity if I need to. I love him so very much still, and I cherish every second I get to be even in the same vicinity as him. I'm not going to go so far as to stalk him or anything like that, that's for creepy idiots who are in...lust I guess. Of course I'd love to have that "us" again, but I want his happiness more. I understand I can't protect him all his life and fix all his relationships, but I CAN help every now and again, right? haha. yeah. But I have come to terms that I'm going to stay behind the lines. I'm going to make it seem as if I too have lost my love for him. I'll never stop caring about him, but... I think it's time I put all my emotions back in the box until next season, just like christmas decorations. They're not needed, nor are they all that helpful right now, so I believe it's best if I just put them aside for now. Well, as short as this is, It's got quite a bit of info in it hahaha. Catcha ya later gator!!!