Let's get the important stuff out of the way first.
Kudos goes to Gracie for inspiring me to write in here again.
Well, not the content, but for writing in it again period.
I doubt I would have come to my blog right now on my own accord.


I can't stop thinking about the guys in my life. Grace is the only FEMALE friend I have right now, and that means so much to me. I can say things to her, and giggle with her, about things I can't with guy friends. Especially not when most of my guy friends are either ex's, or friends of ex's. [._.;]
I've been trying not to think about Mark so much. He IS 32, and HAS 3 kids, and IS in Maryland, so I should probably consider it HIGHLY unhealthy to think about him as much as I had/have been. Thankfully, I've thought about him less! It just still makes my heart squeeze in sadness, when I sign onto WD, and see he's been online, isn't at the moment, and didn't leave me a message. Or, when I sign into YIM and search for his name and a little yellow ball next to it, and it's not there..
I thought Adam would be an escape, and in the few hours I was with him I LOVED it. I didn't think I would, and I thought it would be awkward meeting him in person, AFTER an "Interesting" conversation as he put it. I thought we were together, but he mentioned that he's only 20, and he doesn't know what he wants in a spouse.
Sadly, I do, and that's what I want. A serious, dedicated, long-term relationship. I don't want a fling, I'm tired of the whole FWB thing. I want... well, Love.
Is that so much to ask for?
I've done the heart ache, and heart break, and the giving everything up for the person you love, so... Why don't I have Love still??
The downside to having no one to look at and think "Hmm... it's a possibility, right?", is that I'm thinking about Him more now. I shouldn't. I know that. I know he is Hers now, and that I shouldn't, by any rights, even let him cross my MIND.
But he has been one of the most influential people in my life, and I loved him so dearly...
I still love him. Of course. I love the other one too, but he's got his own dramatic tragedy going on, and he can keep it to himself.
Aj is going into the Marines soon, he's already cut his hair off...
I'm going to miss him so GODDAMN much.
I think Matt is friends with me again, which is nice.
Rocky is coming up this weekend, & if all things are the same, he is supposed to go with me :]
I just hope I can find $7 by then.... I'd hate to lose that night with him, just because I couldn't get $7 measley dollars.
If I work at the farm this Wednesday and Thursday, I'd have PLENTY of money.
But do I want to? It kills my back and knees, and I don't want to take Erik's money, and Becky's gas if I can't work hard and earn the money/gas...
We'll see I suppose.
I have to stop here, or I'll go on forever, I have that much on my mind right now.
Farewell until next time, and I hope you all are safe. <3