I am really fed up with everything and everyone right now. For those of you who will attack and say this is for attention, or that I should talk to real friends, not people online; I'm not doing it for fucking attention, and I've already talked to my friends. Nothing they say is helping me and I really just need to do something to keep busy. Hence I am typing out everything I am feeling at the current moment. I have no water or gas in the house, my dad may be dying, I may have to go back to living with my mother, whom I call Satan for very good reasons; In just the past week alone I have had my ipod give out completely, my new backpack for school get ruined and trashed, my cell phone get washed and become worthless, and my mother and father both blaming everything that is wrong in their lives on me. I haven't been able to shower for over three days now for multiple reasons, and I am trying to get a job right now as I am badly in need of money to call my own. My best friend may be pregnant and I am trying to be here for her. And on top of all of this, my boyfriend has told me that he is going to jail for 3 years because of a lie his "friend" said to said friend's parents. He was/is being charged with assault 2 because his "friend's" knife cut his own face. He wasn't even supposed to have the fucking knife there anyway, as he was at my boyfriend's house, and there were really young children present. So now I'm basically losing everything that I have. My possesions are still 2100 miles away on the other side of the country, and there is so far no definate plans to retrieve them. One of my pets died a few weeks ago, and I have nothing to do with my day other than sit online all day. But as this only prompts me to think, I am constantly thinking about what is going to happen to my life. I have recently begun to regret NOT killing myself when I had the opportunity 5 or 6 months ago, but I have promises to protect certain people, and have to carry on the legacy of two departed friends, therefore am finding it impossible to do anything I want. I am currently planning to walk around Lexington tomorrow just to walk. Even though there are certain people who will probably kill me for doing so, I don't care. I really need out and am going to try and apply for emancipation soon, as well as find a place of my own or someone to stay with. I am going to apply to as many jobs as I can tomorrow and am hoping for the best. Right now I am so scared however, that I can't feel anything. Scalding food didn't even phase me, and I can't feel anything in my heart either. Which is odd for me. And even though I have been crying for the past few hours, which is another odd thing from me, I cannot feel them, or anything else. As much as I'm sure you don't care, all I can say if fuck off. I don't care for flamers right now. And I don't care for people with attitudes, or people who cannot spell or type worth shit, or people who are just trying to boost the number of posts they have. All I can say to all of you is to fuck off and leave me alone. I don't have to explain myself to anyone, yet I did at the beginning of this. So go away and shut the fuck up. Yes, it is a lot of drama. And considering I've survived the murder of my grandparents, the suicide of my best friend, and the death of another friend from a car accident, I'd at least say I'm hanging in there. It comforts me greatly knowing that I can at least help someone when I'm hurting. Even my life isn't the worst, Imagine how my boyfriend feels, knowing he's completely innocent, and is facing so much time in jail for a ten year olds mistake. I hope there's no one reading this and not responding because they are afraid. I did not intend for this to become a haven, however it shall be as such from now on. I really would like to hear what other people are going through, and together maybe we can patch up a little bit of ourselves before facing another tomorrow. People who complain incessently and do not believe there are people with worse problems are rather annoying, but I suppose they haven't had the chance to lead an unsheltered life for long, thus not gaining the level of maturity it takes to accept things as they come and realize that not everything is absolutely horrid. I wouldn't take anything back in my life, not one thing. I've considered a couple things, but I wouldn't because every detail, no matter how horrid, makes me who I am today. And I accept and even appreciate that. I don't doubt I will make it. I promised his mother I would keep him safe. "Keep my baby safe for me okay?" And I intend to keep my promise. But it's going to be rougher than anything I've ever had in my life before, and that is what makes me so anxious and worried and...well, scared, right now. Trying to imagine a hell worse than that which I have thusfar overcome. If there is ever a time I needed him, it is now. But I'm afraid I simply do not want to risk annoyance, as I am sure they are under a lot of stress right now, and would like some time to think things out on their own, as a family. I do not like the idea of leaving this alone, but I fear I have no choice in the matter. At least not currently. Farewell for now. Hopefully I shall post again before too long.