It's up to you, as to whether or not you believe my sentiments, but I really do understand where you're coming from. If what I say seems harsh, I don't intend for it to. I'm trying to show you what there could be in your life, if you're willing to open up your ears, and listen for a minute.
I couldn't ever understand the loss of a parent, but I have lost many pets in my time, and many more friends.
There are no two situation alike in the world, so no one can ever understand exactly how you feel in this place and time, because they were never in that place and time, with those people, doing those things. But you have to understand that when people tell you they feel where you are coming from, they're as unsure of what to say as you are. You say you don't know what to say to tell them how you feel, because you are afraid of them not believing you. Then you say that they won't believe you, because you were never up front with them before.
If you want them to believe you now, you have to make them see who you are. I truly hope you believe me when I say I KNOW how hard it is to open yourself up to the world, and expose your deepest feelings, your darkest thoughts, and your scariest memories, when you're utterly terrified of being rejected MORE. I've been teased my entire life too, from the time I was 8, until now. I'm STILL teased, and called names, but they've stopped hurting. I've had to deal with going to school with vinegar in my hair, and oil, and chemicals, because my mother couldn't get rid of a lice infestation. I walked through those jokes. Several years later, the infestation was back, after spending a year living in a homeless shelter with my mom and sister, and after months of treatment to no success, I had to cope with having every single one of my 14 inches of hair shaved off, and hear the laughs and scoffs behind me as I went into the girls bathroom. "Omg, that's a GIRL?!" "Lookit that dyke, bet she's gonna rape some kids in there."
So please, believe me, I understand the ridicule, especially for my weight, too. But the one thing you should know, if you have passed them off as nonsense, is that old sayings may sound stupid when you're young, and cynical... But they hold so much more truth than they are given credit for.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is the best one for this paragraph. Sticks, and Stones, and Knives, and Guns kill far more people than a few personal jokes, or pointed fingers. If you let them know they're hurting you, it will hurt you more, because you will live in fear of those jokes. Instead of running away from them, STOP. Turn around. Face them. Don't threaten the jokers, don't throw insults back. All this amounts to is more pain, that could end up being physical. Instead, throw their OWN jokes right back at them. If they call you fat, Grab your stomach, or thighs, or arm and say something stupid. Like a quote from Santa Claus, and say "A little fat? Does this LOOK like a little fat to you??"
They'll laugh with you, and you will get carried away with the laughter and end up able to laugh at yourself, which is one of the most beautiful things in the world.
As far as your psychological problems are concerned, remember that they are just that. Psych. The best old saying for this, is "Mind over Matter".
If you want to think scientifically, your brain controls EVERY part of your body. Every feeling, emotion, and movement is nothing more than an electrical impulse, charged through the body by the brain. So, if you have control of your brain, you will have control over your feelings, your emotions. When you're feeling most depressed, stop, and think logically.
Step outside of your mindset, and picture what you would look like, if you were a stranger sitting next to you.
Nervous Wreck?
Depressed?
Angry?
Dangerous?
You have to think about how the world would look at you, before you think about how the world will see you. They have to take a good long look before they see ANYthing. Make sure you can understand where they are standing, and you'll come a long way in understanding why they're at a loss for words.
"I understand" is nothing more than saying they understand the meaning you are trying to convey. It can be an empty sentiment, or it can be an emotional bond. It's up to you whether or not you accept that extention as a hand up, or a shove away.
"I know" is more what someone would say if they truly knew how you felt. If someone says that, ask them to elaborate, if they are able. Sometimes the strongest bonds are made from grief. Two or more people that look each other in the eyes, and connect on the grounds of common loss have nothing more to lose. With that, they become rungs on the ladders to each other's healing process.
So, while no one will know EXACTLY how it feels to lose their father at 6, and have promises broken at such a young age, and to be bullied... neither will anyone have lived life EXACTLY as you did.
No one will be able to help you until you can see that.
I've already written more than probably any of you are going to read, but at you specifically at least Moon Dragon, I want to extend a hand, and welcome you to my world. I want to show you what I have healed from, and show you how I have healed. I want to let you explore the land I keep my heart, soul, and feelings locked up in, and show you the safeguards I have in place.
But I can't do anything until you are willing to step out of your own life, and open your eyes, and heart, and MIND to all the other options there are.
I'm not saying I'm a ball of sunshine, and daisies, or that I poop rainbows in my free time. Not by far. I have my moments that I look around and see all the different ways I could kill myself, and make it look like an accident. All the thoughts mulling in my head, like "Who would honestly miss me?" and "Who would visit me if I were sick, and dying, in the hospital?"
But I AM saying that I can help you put all those aside for the rainy days, and build something out of them.
If you think no one will care, think about WHY they wouldn't care.
Set aside your ego and pride, and think logically.... What have YOU done, that they would feel lost if they lost you?
If you don't think of anything, maybe it's about time you started GIVING everyone a reason to miss you. The more you do it for them, the more they'd miss you in their lives, the more complete you will feel, and the happier the days will look.
My friends and I started a GSA Club in a very homophobic high school, to represent the Minority. Day of Silence, RAINN, etc.
In this GSA, we thought of ways to memorialize our gay friend who had killed himself just DAYS before he turned 16. Why? Of course we don't know. All we know is he was bullied and mistreated, in home and at school, since he was born; and that the night he died he fought with his dad about DYING HIS HAIR; and that the entire school was quieter without him. We decided on a memorial garden AT school, to pay respects to in our free time, and motivate us, and be a tool to teach in biology classes, and give us something to do with our time. Hundreds of volunteers showed up every day during the summer, every saturday during school time, and worked the fingers to the bone, in hot summer months even, to come together and make a vision a reality. People came from all around the county, the state, and even a California news crew came out to film us, and interview myself, and another girl who had worked from day one with me, and a few others, for the garden. A boy in GSA asked his mother to help us, and she agreed. A few weeks later he was killed from injuries sustained from a car accident on the way to school... on the Day of Silence. The girl the California film crew interviewed with me died from a car crash the next year. But we all stand proud together, and continue to work at the garden, and share lunch together every saturday we are able, to pay respects to each other, and our mutual losses.
So, I DO know what it feels like to hurt like you do.
But the best advice I can give you is open yourself up.
Tell everyone EXACTLY how you feel, and make sure your feelings are known, and not walked over.
Be straight, upfront, and demand respect for the things you do.
The pushover is never remembered, but the leader is, so just stand up for what you believe, and do what you know makes YOU happy.
And, most importantly, that grief will NEVER go away, as I'm sure you're well aware of. But what you DO with that grief can make things better, or make things worse. BUILD on that grief. Help others, show you care, turn things around. It's all up to you, and the ball is in YOUR court.
"every day goes by so fast
before we know it, a week has past
so much time is spent looking back
in the end, we're only thrown off track
tell me then, what is the purpose
the reason behind fashion, and purses
if life is spent on sorrow and debt
we will end our lives, having only fret
stand up today, for what you believe
live every minute, love all you see
because in the end, in that final hour
you will be you, and no one else will matter"
The most important thing to remember, is that there is NO circumstance, ever, anywhere, for whatever reason, that deserves the punishment of death. I don't believe there is a single person on this entire site that should even consider suicide, for a split second.
Suicide is a very permanent solution, for what oftentimes is just a temporary problem. Death is forever, and I really doubt there are many, if any, problems that will last that long.
If pain makes you forget about it, that's really alright, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's ingrained in man to need to inflict pain to feel better. It's why there is war, and hierarchy, and pride, and selfishness. But always be aware of what will happen once you DO inflict that pain. Maybe even consider getting into a hobby that causes enough energy exertion to release that pressure. Like boxing, or football, or hockey.
If I sound like those same old people that tell you "You're doing it wrong", I really do apologize. And I'm sorry if this ends up getting lengthy. I just really really felt the urge to talk to you all, as a group. To explain what is out there to those that haven't lived as much yet, and to refresh the memories of those that have.
I'm only 19, and I know some of you are already thinking skeptically. But please, try and look at this thread with an open mind. I've seen, done, said, and lived through a lot, in a very short amount of time, and I spend my ENTIRE life trying to make it better for people who are in situations I have been in. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be trying to live. I don't feel I have a reason to, so I know I can sympathize with you guys. Most of you at least.
I guess it might help some of you, if I shared my own past, right?
My early childhood wasn't great by any standards. My first year of life was spent with my mom and dad, living in the bed of a pick-up truck. After that, we spent the next 2 years living in a small camper/trailer, with my mom picking up waitressing when I was 3, and my dad continuing his truck-driving jobs. When I turned 4, we moved from California, down to Phoenix Arizona, where we stayed with my maternal grandparents for a few months, and finally got a one bedroom apartment.
When I was 9 [My sister was 4] my second sister was born, by yet another man. But my paternal grandfather died, and my dad prepared me to move across the country, to Kentucky, for the funeral. My mom, sister, and my sister's dad followed us, and we mass moved to Kentucky.
After a few years, life leveled out for the most part, and we all kind of went our own ways. My youngest sister never found out who her dad was until she was 4, which also happened to be when he found out he HAD a daughter. Around this time, my mom, sisters, and I had been homeless for about a year and a half, and needed the child support money.
Life finally started looking up around the time I was 12, but then a year later my dad got married to a gold-digger, who treated me like a red-headed step child. She ended up divorcing him 4 years later, and leaving him with absolutely nothing.
A year after that [around 2005], my maternal grandmother and grandfather were murdered in their OWN home, by a "Family friend". This created a huge uproar in my maternal family, and my mom moved me and my sisters to Washington State, to stay with her older sister.
Before we could leave, however, we had a ton of affairs to settle at home. Not even a month before our departure date, my best friend was found in his bedroom closet, hanging from the bar with his pant-strap. I felt completely abandoned, and did my best to hold everyone up. I couldn't be weak when so many people needed me, so the only time I cried was when I touched his cold, dead face at the visitation. It was so hard to believe that cold face was the once bubbly ray of sunshine in my life.
Finally, the date arrived for our move to Washington State.
This was supposed to only be for a few weeks, to settle the affairs of my late grandparents. While there, however, I was made to take care of the entire family, even if I was sick. I waited on them hand and foot, I wasn't allowed food until every chore was done, and I was only allowed to shower once a week.
After about 3 months, my mom had to move back to Kentucky for a month, to settle custody issues with my middle sister, so I was left alone with my aunt and her family. After a month of enduring abuse [in varying degrees], I felt the need to leave. I wanted out, I wanted to escape the prison I was stuck in. I walked out to the trailer I was staying in, and breathed in the cold air. I looked at the moon, and stars, and begged forgiveness. Then I sat down on the bed, and hit my hand as hard against my head as I could. [This paragraph has been edited for content]
All I could think about was how my best, and only friend had left me. How my mother had left me. How my father didn't care to call me. How my "Family" could only abuse me..... Until the unthinkable was there.
In front of my face was this huge shining orb of pink light. I don't care if people think I'm crazy, it was there, clear as day. It was my Joshy. My friend, that hung himself. That little ray of light was there, shining with me.
I couldn't feel alone anymore. He was there the whole time, watching me, trying to help me. I hid my cut until it healed, careful to never tell anyone what happened. Other than this paragraph here, only 3 people know about that. 3 people I trusted, and loved.
Finally, we were able to come home to Kentucky. My first night home, the boy I'd fallen for called. He welcomed me home, and we talked for hours, at the end of which, we told each other our feelings. I couldn't even begin to tell you how much that boy meant to me. It would be utterly impossible, unless you could have seen us when we were around each other, even as just friends. When I left, I was empty. When I left, he didn't care about friends, family, or schoolwork anymore. So to know he felt the same as me, I was astounded.
One month later, it was the Day of Silence. The day most of us looked forward to, because it was our turn to remember, and honor, Josh. Our friend who left us too soon. I was on the bus, happily silent, never prouder. To my right, a red car drove up beside the bus, on the way to school. In it were 4 of my friends, one of which was quite possibly as excited as me to be quiet that whole day. He smiled the biggest smile I'd ever seen him smile, and I did the same. We signed Peace to each other [also known as the victory sign] and the car he was a mere passenger in sped up to pass the bus.
In a matter of seconds, the imPOSSIBLE happened. In slow motion I can see it now. The back tire exploded. Rubber.. dust.. everywhere. The bus slowed down. The kids jerked forward. The red car was in front. The red car was fish-tailing. The red car spun in huge circles, picking up speed. The red car was sling-shot across 3 lanes, narrowly missing a semi. The red car exploded against the hill. The red car disappeared from sight as the semi passed the bus. The driver got out. The passenger got out. No one else left. Where was my friend? Where was his smile?
The next day, I was to go see him in the hospital. Collapsed lung, broken collarbone, broken spine, broken jaw, so much broken...
2 hours before I was to leave, the PA at school came on.
He was gone.
Another friend, another life, another light, completely extinguished.
And for what?
Everyone in my class watched silently as I stood up from my desk. Curtly told my teacher I was leaving, and walked out. No one stopped me. No one said a word.
They all knew what I was feeling.
It was harder to walk into the grief room that time, than for my last friend, and I was closer to the first friend. Because in a matter of months, we had all lost 2 balls of amazing light.
My friend Hannah was there. She hugged me. She was so beautiful, even crying. We talked, hugged, laughed with people. Remembering this wonderful face.
We kept working on the Memorial Garden we had all started to memorialize Josh. A film crew came from California, just to film Hannah and I, as we talked about how we coped with our grief for not one, but two friends. What it was like to be labeled as the "outcasts" of society.
One month later, she was killed in a car accident. Driving friends home from school, she was killed.
I'll never forget how I found out. Hearing "Hannah died" was astounding. I refused to believe it was her. I went to that boys house, the one I mentioned before? I broke. I couldn't take the pain anymore. Too many people, too little time. I felt like I was some sort of curse, that was destined to kill the people I loved.
-------------------------------------------
So now, I'm here, trying to help you guys. Every Saturday, I go to that garden. I see what it's become. I hug my friends, who have shared in what I've been through. I hug Jesse's mom every chance I get, because I know my time with her could be short. She thinks about death every day, but she's afraid doing so would rid her of any chance she has of seeing her son again, if there is a heaven.
I'm not afraid to admit I'm weak anymore. It's because of that, I am strong.
I understand now, that life is VERY short. You can't afford to hold on to regret, and grudges. Every choice you make can't be regrettable. Because in the moment you made that decision, it was what made you happy. And happiness shouldn't be regretted.
DO Something with your pain. I understand better than a lot of people that it is very real, no matter how trivial the problem. I know it's there, I know you feel it, and I know now that you can live with it, and still find happiness in life. Even if you don't want to live anymore.
That boy? He refuses to talk to me now. But when I found out he was unhappy, I told him to ask out my best friend. I thought she would make him happy, and a smile on his face is all I wanted, all I cared about. It's still in my dreams. They've been together for over a year now, and I can't hate her, even though I should, for taking him away from me....
Because he is happy.
That garden? It's there, it's amazing, and it's inspired people.
People come up to me nearly every day, and say Hey, I remember you!!
Or they tell me I've inspired them, or helped them somehow.
Those little things, those words, smiles, and hugs from perfect strangers...
Are why I live.
If any of you have any reason to hurt, please understand it's really only temporary. No, time does NOT heal the pain. That pain will NEVER go away, it was always be there, always haunting you. I won't sugar-coat the truth. But you can find happiness WITH that pain. Use it as your strength. Remember that you made it through that pain for one day, two days, three days, count if you must.
But remember, that you're doing it. And I promise you will be happier.
Let's get the important stuff out of the way first.
Kudos goes to Gracie for inspiring me to write in here again.
Well, not the content, but for writing in it again period.
I doubt I would have come to my blog right now on my own accord.
I can't stop thinking about the guys in my life. Grace is the only FEMALE friend I have right now, and that means so much to me. I can say things to her, and giggle with her, about things I can't with guy friends. Especially not when most of my guy friends are either ex's, or friends of ex's. [._.;]
I've been trying not to think about Mark so much. He IS 32, and HAS 3 kids, and IS in Maryland, so I should probably consider it HIGHLY unhealthy to think about him as much as I had/have been. Thankfully, I've thought about him less! It just still makes my heart squeeze in sadness, when I sign onto WD, and see he's been online, isn't at the moment, and didn't leave me a message. Or, when I sign into YIM and search for his name and a little yellow ball next to it, and it's not there..
I thought Adam would be an escape, and in the few hours I was with him I LOVED it. I didn't think I would, and I thought it would be awkward meeting him in person, AFTER an "Interesting" conversation as he put it. I thought we were together, but he mentioned that he's only 20, and he doesn't know what he wants in a spouse.
Sadly, I do, and that's what I want. A serious, dedicated, long-term relationship. I don't want a fling, I'm tired of the whole FWB thing. I want... well, Love.
Is that so much to ask for?
I've done the heart ache, and heart break, and the giving everything up for the person you love, so... Why don't I have Love still??
The downside to having no one to look at and think "Hmm... it's a possibility, right?", is that I'm thinking about Him more now. I shouldn't. I know that. I know he is Hers now, and that I shouldn't, by any rights, even let him cross my MIND.
But he has been one of the most influential people in my life, and I loved him so dearly...
I still love him. Of course. I love the other one too, but he's got his own dramatic tragedy going on, and he can keep it to himself.
Aj is going into the Marines soon, he's already cut his hair off...
I'm going to miss him so GODDAMN much.
I think Matt is friends with me again, which is nice.
Rocky is coming up this weekend, & if all things are the same, he is supposed to go with me :]
I just hope I can find $7 by then.... I'd hate to lose that night with him, just because I couldn't get $7 measley dollars.
If I work at the farm this Wednesday and Thursday, I'd have PLENTY of money.
But do I want to? It kills my back and knees, and I don't want to take Erik's money, and Becky's gas if I can't work hard and earn the money/gas...
We'll see I suppose.
I have to stop here, or I'll go on forever, I have that much on my mind right now.
Farewell until next time, and I hope you all are safe. <3
Okay, the long version is thus:
He brought up earlier that this PC has to be re-vamped. Or, EVERYTHING on it deleted.
I thought to myself 'okay, I don't have anything important, it's what my laptop is for' and put it out of my mind.
Then, while I was laying down from a pounding headache, it hit me;
My itunes. If that's deleted, I'm FUCKED.
All 800 songs would be POOF'd into nothingness.
So, when he sat down, I brought it up, that I would personally go through everything and delete every single file on the computer, except itunes.
That way, All the work I put into getting those songs, and putting them on there, wouldn't be lost, but he still got to clean out the computer.
He finally said okay, that we would hold off on that, at least until I could get cds, and transfer all the songs, so that I could re-do my ipod safely.
Then, he says "Well, since we're in a talking mood" and starts saying this shit about how I never ever do dishes, and he'd "kiss 'my' ass if 'i've' done the dishes more than 2 times in the past 2 years", and that I was utterly useless, and all this other crap; And says he's marking one plate, fork, spoon, etc, for each of us, and throwing all of the others away.
[keep in mind, he's constantly talking about LEAVING in a few months, which renders all this bullshit useless]
I said fine, whatever, I didn't care about the marking shit, it's what the fuck ever. But I contested the bull about me not doing dishes, I did just FINE around the house before HIS ass started sitting down and staying here 24/7. COUNTLESS people can attest to the fact that I DID clean when he was gone, I just usually messed it up again before the week or two he was gone was up.
THEN it gets into this stupid fucking argument about I had 2 months to get out of here if I hated it so much, and I just kept sayin"I fuckin' wish I could. I've been WISHING I could." and I brought it up that HE thinks it's unfair that I'M apparently the cause for all his woes; and that he was so fucked up in life he even fucked up MY chances at going to college. And he tried to say it was MY fault, and I said "How the hell is it MY fault YOU haven't filed YOUR taxes in 6 freakin' years?!". He said how would I have paid, and I said because I'm the only one in the damn house with two fuckin' sense, and the highest IQ by far, and would have had SCHOLARSHIPS, and FEDERAL AID to get me through it. But no, because he had to be all lazy all the time, and didn't file taxes, I'M fucked out of college.
THENNNNN it gets into this shit about money, and why dont' I leave, and he says "fuck it, one more goddamn word, and I'm shortening the time" and I said "we'll see. it's not like you keep YOUR word anyway" and I brought up that he was always talking about my mom behind her back, calling her stupid and fucked up and whatnot for buying food first, rent second, and I called a damn hypocrite, because he's doing the SAME thing.
He said I have 2 weeks, I said we'll see.
Then he said something or other about I had 2 days to get rid of the cats [when and where the FUCK did this come from? No idea. Cats weren't even MENTIONED til this] or all my shit was on the curb. I said hell no it isn't, if he wants to pull the fuckin' rug, I'm pullin' too. I'll tell the state he lied just to get his dentures [which he did], and that he lied just to get unemployment [which he did] and that the car is in my name to avoid taxes [which it is] and that the cable bill was in my name before it was LEGAL to do so [I was 15].
So yeah, I told him TRY it, I've got just as many cards up my sleeve as he does, if not more.
And he ignored me for a bit, and looked at george and said he better call therena, that he's not payin' rent, so all the shit in here will be gone.
I said when the hell has he even PAID rent, and I said Let's see, rent was due, OH YEAH it's LATE already.
and he said he's not paying it yet by choice, and I said it doesn't fuckin' matter WHY he's not paying it, it's still the fact he ISN'T PAYING IT.
And then he stared at me for a while and I said what the hell are you looking at, and he acted like a kid and said he'll look at whatever the fuck he wants to in his house, and I said it's not his house, and he said he's the one paying the rent, I said no you're not, he said then who is, and I said the LIES he spun to get the STATE to pay for it.
Then he shut up, started mumbling to himself, and I pointed out that the skillet he was "Drying" on the stove the whole time was on fire, and he said "Oh, I'm drying that." but he still got up anyway to get it off.
Fuckin asshole.
ANYWAY. That's most of it. Not all, but most.
So, I'm sick of it. I'm finding places for my valubles, and leaving this cock-sucker's dwelling.
Mmm I'm to survive yet another July 4th in the Swampish Hole of Kentucky.
Not that I'm complaining, I do enjoy the 4th of July celebrations my town has. Lexington, by far isn't the worst place I could be. Quite the contrary, I find it's rather... comforting, if nothing else... to know that everywhere you turn, there will be another illegal show of fireworks, as everyone tries to best everyone else's colorful spectaculaire.
No, I do enjoy it here, quite a lot. But the humid, muggy, cling-to-your-back kind of weather we always get stuck with usually only ends when a thunderstorm comes our way, which obviously puts a damper on the festivities.
And of course, nothing is greater than knowing half a dozen people are suddenly expecting you to come up with some extravagant celebration for a day that nobody really understands anymore.
With no way to pick anyone up, and no way to feed/host people in my home, I'm rather afraid I will have to depend on someone else to make today worth while.
On an un-related note that is equally blah-tastic, I've got to also find a place to keep my three cats, and another for three people to stay, while we hire somebody to come into our tiny crappy apartment, and bomb the entire place. The upstairs neighbors have FINALLY moved out, but that means that the hundreds of roaches and bedbugs and carpet mites that were up there, have come down to OUR apartment, after the mega-bombing up there. No joke, it was like a dozen life-sized Mega-Bombermen came and had their way with pesticide bombs.
On the same note, I took a chance and slept in my bed for a 3 hour nap today. I awoke to find that in SEVEN different places on one arm, I had been bitten by bedbugs. So, I tried a few hours ago to lay down for a more restful nap behind the small sofa, and counted 20, yes TWENTY different roaches in one area, and when I rolled over, one large one fell off of my blanket.
So, I'm now faced with which is better:
Sleep with the roaches
Sleep with the bed-bugs
Stay awake as long as possible and listen to my dad complain.
As if he has a reason, since for whatever reason there could be, the roaches don't touch his couch.
Well, I suppose that's all I've got for now, after today's festivities die down I will possibly tell of my day.
Yep, it's been a mighty long time since I have posted in this blog.
Mostly it's because I was only BLOGGING because I was happy, for the most part, and wanted quite desperately to share my story with someone.
Having been thoroughly depressed, and rejected by every person I had thought I could trust, I figure now would be a great time to pick back up on blogging.
At least, it's as good a time as any, right? :]
Hrm. But where to start? haha If only writing, and about myself at that, was as easy as it used to be.
I guess... Well, plans have changed. I had PLANNED on moving away from the pain here in Kentucky, to the other side of the country for a few months, then following the end of that, moving to Canada. Vancouver to be exact. I did some research on the city, and it's absolutely BEAUTIFUL! And, more importantly, it's CANADA! No one could follow me there without a passport. :]
I've become slightly obsessed with Robert Pattinson [Woo, I know, fangirlish, eh?] but NOT for the reason most girls are. I don't see "Edward" in him, or even "Cedric". I see an interesting individual, who looks like he thinks a lot. From the sparse interviews I've seen of him, he comes across as slightly cynical, and I like that. Forgetting the fact that he looks like my first "Love", he IS pretty attractive. But I don't see glitteryvampy Rob, I see a musician, and an actor, and all around, just a talented individual, that's not self-absorbed, and doesn't really WANT fame and fortune. He wants to do what he loves, and do it as best he can.
I admire that.
His music, is... expressive.
He reminds me of Salvador Dali [Which he plays, by the way, in Little Ashes ;] ].
He's not really the "Norm", and he doesn't care to be.
He's just.. HIM.
Putting RPattz aside now, before I start detailing all the things I'd like to converse with him about, [including his views on philosophy, etc.] Um..
I guess.. I had some good luck lately? O -o
My dad finally got unemployment money, and since it's been a few months, it had just set, collecting and collecting, until we got a total amount of 5 grand in the mail.
I got much needed clothes, we stocked on some food, I got an 8GB Green iPod Nano;
I got my Halo 3 edition xBox 360, with matching controller of course ;)
I got Halo 1 to play ON said xBox [Sexbox as it's known in my loose ring of "Friends"]
Um.. I got.. OH I got glasses finally! :D
I can seeee!!! *blinks*
Of course, it took a few days, because the first time they "Completed" my prescription, the right side was off.
So I had to go back, and REdo all the tests and whatnot, but it was TOTALLY worth it :D
Here in a couple of days, we get to take the 3 kittehs of mine down to get fixed [FINALLY!], so they won't spray anymore. :D
Downer news, so-called "Friends" who said they wanted to be "Friends" again, have all but SCREAMED at me to go away, which happens to be the main reason I wanted to LEAVE Kentucky.
I was in a car accident with my closest friend, and the car nearly flipped over, but he was an awesome driver, and regained control of the car, so all was well... Until his parents got to the scene >_<"
Um... Well, more downer news, is that my Mom and her Boyfriend, and my Sister have to come BACK to Kentucky, from Washington State [where I'd planned on moving to, remember?] Because my Aunt is being her usual bitchy self, with a touch of insanity, and yelled at my mom's bf because my MOM made him a sandwich... o_e"
So we're trying to figure out how to arrange for them and all the possessions to make it across the country AGAIN, when we're all pretty much broke right now -_-"
Um, anyway, yeah, I think that's about it for now!
If you're someone, and you're actually READING THIS, I thank you profusely.
And if you'd like to keep up with me regularly, follow me on Twitter, [@Cherry_Gryffon]!!!!
My goal is to get 1000 followers by my 19th birthday, on August 1!! :D
