June 6, 2007

Today is going to be a much better day, I can already forsee such things. And if I am to be disappointed, then I shall take it as it comes, and walk it off when I am finished. Today marks the 3 month anniversary of my Love and I being together. I can so clearly remember the night we found out how the other felt for ourselves. It was on an Instant Messenger, and we were having multiple conversations within the confines of the one. We had gotten on the subject of what our futures might hold in store for us, and started talking about what we looked for, and how we would know when we had found the right one. My Love then brought it up that you would get butterflies in your stomach at the thought of the person, you never stopped thinking about the person, and that you would do anything to see that person. As these words spilt forth from the lips of my Angel, I thought the whole time of only one person. One person was doing all that for me, and I was talking to him! *smiles* Then I think my heart nearly fell through to Venus when he said he already felt that way for someone. I was absolutely certain it couldn't possibly be me, and so I felt pressed to urge him onward and disclose whom this woman was. He played with my mind for several minutes, and my hopes were alternately dashed and risen as he kept scooting closer and closer to the truth. "It's a real bombshell" Was spoken at one point, and I remember feeling my heart nearly die for a millionth consecutive time in the span of 5 minutes. Then he said, "It is..." And I sat and awaited anxiously on the tip of my chair as ir rocked back and forth on its edge, waiting for the answer. The bottom of the screen said sngnev "is typing a message" And I awaited for it to say "Last message sent", for until such a time, I would not know whom had captured so much of my Love's heart, and life. And then he further murdered my soul when he came back with a "nunya!!" I would have like to have died then, rather than sit and wait for further honesty. Knowing he did not want to disclose the information to me at such a time, I felt I couldn't leave that night without knowing who she was. So I pressed onward even harder than I had afore done. By this point, my hands were shaking so horridly it was difficult to type even nonsense, let alone any ledgible or coherent words. My mouth and esophogaus were dry, and pounding with the beat of my heart as it slammed at my throat, desperate for escape from the confines of ignorance. Never before had I not been able to learn something I wished to have the knowledge of, and it hit and sliced at every inch of my body, desperate to have the knowledge. Then as I looked up to the screen, I noticed he had replied, and my heart skipped a beat, anxious to return to its cavity. "if this were turned around, would you tell me" Is something of how it went. My heart again leaped to my throat, making, I believe, progress in its escape from my body. If I had previously believed my hands were shaking, I had been sorely mistaken. By now the convulsions had progressed throughout my body, and though it was warm in my homestead, I felt chilled; Difficult as it was, for my face had never been warmer. I knew I could not lie to him, for that defeated the purpose of loving him, and I knew how difficult it was even to simply think about saying whom has our love, when we are speaking with them as it was. But the I cannot lie won out. I replied that yes, I would tell. Instantly it seemed, or maybe I had just fell faint and dillusional from convulsions and lack of proper air, he replied with a who. It was that moment that seemed like there was no turning back. I would surely lose one of my best friends, and the one who carried my heart, even if he knew not of such things. I couldn't see the letters, but I knew where they were, I had to know where they were. I first typed y, and paused, desperate to find an excuse to leave. But as Father was not home, and there were no chores to do, I typed the o. The u was so diffucult in it's forthcoming, I thought even childbirth must be easier. But as my hands spazzed, I suddenly shoved away the fear that had gripped me and slammed down my hand on the u, and slid it over to the enter. Momentary hesitation, and then it was blinking up onto the screen in front of me. I prayed to no one in particular that he wouldn't see it, that the connection be lost, anything. Anything to get me out of what I had just done. It said he was typing, and then he erased it, for it said nothing further. Then, blinking in front me in what seemed like words made from pure electricity, were the words, "and I you". I never will forget them, for though I thought it impossible, I died again in that moment. I thought surely he was joking, making a fool of me, but all thoughts were for naught. As oft' as I had died that night, I died once more as he said that one could not share as many experiances with another and not feel a connection. I was so extatic, my hands took on minds of their own, as did my vocal chords. Squealing as I were a piglet, and shaking as I were a leper, I felt the urge to hold the moniter and forever imprint those words in my skin. That moment is what my Love and I count as our first moments of "us". March 6. 2007 will never be a day left behind in memory for me. Well, as this is the start of the day, it only being 12:41 pm, I shall hopefully say more later this eve, however if such ideas prove false, on the morrow I shall tell you more, on my word. I shall leave you now with a few parting words, but first I will wish you good-day, and apologize for this becoming an anniversary abomination. Good-day again, and blessed be to all ye kith, and kin, and to thee as well. Farewell for now! :D