Well, yesterday was certainly eventful. I woke up, sat online for a while, and found myself on YouTube, just perusing what it had to store. Clicking related link after related link, and eventually I found myself in hypnosis videos. I half-way watched this guy give an annotated weight-loss hypnosis session, and found myself drawn in. Even in the annotated version, I found myself in a trance. So, I clicked related videos, and found other hypnosis ones, that were for self help. They told me I wanted water. I wanted healthy food. Junk food despised me, tasted like bile in my throat pretty much. I wanted to exercise, I loved it. I could feel my metabolism speeding up. My lips tingled, my brain tingled, my arms and legs tingled, and my lungs breathed in and out steadily. Even having to focus enough to read what it said, I felt it working. Not fully hypnotized, but enough to make me feel the truth in the words. I COULD feel my blood speeding up and running through me, if not my metabolism. I felt my mouth water upon hearing the word "Water", and it still is. I wanted to go outside, and DO something. So, I put on a jacket, shoes, and thick pants, and set to walking. Just walking. I ended up going on a 2 mile walk, and felt great. I was going about 4mph, or 15 minutes per mile. The one time I sipped my water, it tasted so smooth, so sweet, almost like honey. And it did me for the rest of the walk. I got home, and that's all I wanted to drink. I wasn't tired the whole walk, but as I got home, that last block, I could feel that 2 miles was just what I needed. Sure, I only burned 330 calories in that walk, but my lungs felt freer, and I felt so much better. I watched a couple of movies, and crashed to sleep, which I definitely needed. Woke up, watched some more movies, browsed online for a while, then turned the computer off again, and went to bed.
Now, here I am at 2am, blogging because I'm... emotional. Not emo, not sad, not happy, just feeling a lot of things. She replied again, and actually gave me the jitters, from anxiety. Not bad enough for an anxiety attack, but I was anxious. Then, in my response, I found I had millions of things I wanted to say, but I had to condense it. Towards the end of my main paragraph, I actually found myself crying. Since this was only minutes ago, I thought I'd come blog.
I've got to call the Food Benefits Office again this morning, because I am DYING. Not joking, the weight I've gained having to eat rice and ramen [both of which require butter] is going to kill me if I can't change my diet soon. I've placed a marker in weight that I absolutely REFUSE to hit, or go over at all, even if it means I have to stop eating all together, and starve myself down. Granted, I only eat 2 times a day, sometimes only once, but it's WHAT I have to eat that's killing me.
Anyway, not really a long blog, just... wanted to jot some stuff down.