Taken by surprise

I am simply astounded. I can't believe all the new crap I've learned as of late. For example, the number 18, to all appearances, haunts me and I know not why. And on top of this, I feel as though I am falling in love all over again....with the same guy! The very man who once previously was the love of my life, and who broke my heart, I feel....I feel like I'm falling even harder, all over again. Not that I ever stopped loving him of course, I didn't. I continued to love him even when it appeared he had lost all feelings for me save that of hatred. But now, it's so hard to explain. -laughs-. And today I found old notes that I had written him, poems, and the such. He saved them! I'm so... unbelieveably stricken with...awe? No. Surprise? Yes. -laughs again-. Even Love that is so..odd, that it almost hurts. I find it so...romantic maybe? I don't know. -nervously laughs and blushes-. All I do know is that I'm willing to wait for all eternity if I need to. I love him so very much still, and I cherish every second I get to be even in the same vicinity as him. I'm not going to go so far as to stalk him or anything like that, that's for creepy idiots who are in...lust I guess. Of course I'd love to have that "us" again, but I want his happiness more. I understand I can't protect him all his life and fix all his relationships, but I CAN help every now and again, right? haha. yeah. But I have come to terms that I'm going to stay behind the lines. I'm going to make it seem as if I too have lost my love for him. I'll never stop caring about him, but... I think it's time I put all my emotions back in the box until next season, just like christmas decorations. They're not needed, nor are they all that helpful right now, so I believe it's best if I just put them aside for now. Well, as short as this is, It's got quite a bit of info in it hahaha. Catcha ya later gator!!!

Intermission of Insanity

What causes a person to react to a given situation in whatever way they might? Might one say that a body has chemical reactions that behave much in the way our universe does; With waxes and wanes like the Moon; Holes of inescapable blackness and spots of untolerable light? One might argue many a different point, however noone can dispute the existance of differences that cause us all to behave differently. In reading this book, you, the buyer and reader, might have thought you were buying something of an autobiography that follows a timeline of a life, then stops at the present. However, I am very sorry to tell you that this is most certainly not the case. This story will follow not only the timeline of my life, but also the train of thought that passes through my brain at different frequencies at different moments in time. I am currently facing reality in a most unusual way. But instead of writing once again of my terrible time at feeling secure, I shall instead take note of the many other things that run through my head at a constant acceleration of 9.8 meters per second, for that is the acceleration that one is always traveling. If you drive your car off the edge of a cliff, you can be sure that you are going to die at a constant acceleration of approximately 10 meters per second. Gaping mouths that lick the face of babies are the mouths of newts. Naught for the writ word, one cannot know for sure if the great hero Beowulf was indeed to have battled a great dragon, or a newt with a c4 laced tongue that had the ability to sporatically combust and kill a baby with one lick. Was this the case, and the hero wanted not to die and be remembered as the king who defeated the horrid Grendel, and his mother, but fell to the torching tongue of a tantalizing newt? Wouldst thou like to die and tell your men that you must be honoured as Beowulf the Great who fell to a Newt? Or rather Beowulf the hero who did battle with a dragon, and brought prosperity to your people? One might believe in the bias towards the second of the two, wouldst thou not? The colour purple is a popular colour, yet can be removed from the rainbow more easily than an egg can fry on a fire. It is easier to hold on to a hope that someone has given you rather than create and dream for yourself. If a tear falls in a room and the tear shedder has no knowledge of it, should another person in the room question the reason behind the tear, or wait for the shedder of the tear to acknowledge it's existence first? If it is late at night and one feels the need to spout words of insanity to the fallible minds of the public, should one do so, and earn the title of insanity in it's darkest and most consuming form of brightness? Should one also wish the public of Sister Sanity the best of wishes as the darkess and shadow of moring light approaches? I wish mine public the best of days, and shalt see them on the morrow, if given one minute moment in the morning of the malicious morrow. G'night dear companions of this journey of mind and soul!

July 30, 2007

Many of the people whom are reading this probably are only doing so because I have asked them to read it at some point in the past. My previous posts have come from within a selfish, brainwashed soul. I had striven to appear a perfect visage of stone, and the one person who was completely selfless. In doing so I not only hurt myself in the long run, but I fear I have hurt the very people I had said for so long I was protecting. From this point forward, I will no longer be the person I was before. I can no longer deny that I am human, and that I make mistakes, and will continue to make them. But I can only learn from them, and try my very best to refrain from making them again. I have made many a realization this morning, and do not doubt that more will continue to flow. For nearly 17 years I have tried to impress my parents, and family to gain their pride, recognition, and love. I have been tested often in this life, and refuse to believe that even if there is no God, or even if there is; I simply refuse to believe that this much pain could so entirely encompass a life, and be for naught. I feel that my life is going to be taking many changes in the very near future, and it has already begun to spin. I may not be able to control what others think of me, or what others shall do, but I can control what I do, and how I choose to accept, and acknowledge what happens. November, 1989, My mother and father met, and decided to become a bit more than friends. August 1, 1990, in Stockton California. A baby girl is born, 6 pounds and some-odd ounces, after a rather difficult if complicated birth. After natural birth becomes impossible, the father reaches his hand in, wraps it around the head of the baby, and turns it around, so that the cesarean section birth could be possible. Cutting the cord that has meant life the the fetus, he officially becomes a father. Still in question is the baby's real father, but he is prepared to step in and be dad for a baby in need. With hair red enough to rival hell's flames themselves, and eyes black enough to be pits; it can be assumed the baby comes into the world as happy as any being could be, once consideration is made that it is spitting out the blood that has been it's life and "breath" for 40-odd weeks, and breathing oxygen, nitrogen, and hydrogen for the first time. The child leaves the hospital with two parents, life, and no history. A clean, and impressionable, slate. Life is rough at first for this small family, and the house is nothing more than a small chrome trailer-home attached to a truck. Once life begins to look up, many pictures will be taken of the infant-child on the seat of a Harley Davidson motorcycle, the other pride and joy of her father. Pictures will be taken of the hand-made cradle that the father so lovingly crafted for his daughter to sleep inside. A trip is to be made quite soon that will mean much change, and will pose for a difficult future for the small family of three. Maybe the mother and father know something of what is to come, and maybe it is choices they will have to make soon that matter as to the outcome. But small and innocent is a baby girl who has no control of her life, or her future. The family moves to Phoenix Arizona, where the maternal grandparents to the child reside. Life continues for the family, and the mundane becomes ritual. The parching desert heat batters down on the doors of everyone, and bears it's heavy presence into every hole it can. Dust clouds continue to roll from cactus to cactus, picking up small debris that will aid it in it's trek across a land of nothing. As the force behind the dirt devil finally dies down, a desperate bird pecks at the remains of a family picnic, hoping to find something worth choking down to feed itself. More dust clouds up as a jack-rabbit scampers about the dry land in search for dropped edibles. No Peter Cottontails or Cinderella Bluebirds can be found in the dry and unforgiving summer heat of Phoenix, only harsh truth as sharp and powerful as the spiney cacti that indulge the visual feast of snow-bird tourists. A young girl is growing up believing she is an intelligent, average little girl. She wears the pretty dresses her parents buy for her, and eats the food they drop on her plate everyday. She throws the fits of temper that should go along with every developing child, and does what her parents ask of her when it means she gets something out of it. Briarwood apartements are not the most child-friendly of places to reside, but are within the budget of the family, and there are plenty of people who swear their lives away to keep safe the wandering and curious child. The child is ushered outside by the usual tempered mother, as has become habitual for the two. Trying the door, the child finds it locked again. Turning around she takes a left on the concrete pathway, going the short way around the pool that takes center stage to the living complex. Finding the door she is looking for, the little girls knocks and asks for her best friend. The man at the door nods, and beckons for the girl to come in, and go on back to the wonderful bedroom of another happy young girl. Quick, excited words exchanged, and the duo is out the door, holding hands, and on a mission. To escape the heat and bore of another dismal day, or sun-burn trying. Skipping down the side-walk, they collapse under a well grown, and perfectly shading plum tree. Greedily they grab at the fruit as it hangs low on it's branches, calling on them to remove from it the heavy, and bothersome fruit. They bite down hard into the sweet violet ball of a feast, eyes tingling from the slight tinge of sour skin. Their day is spent enjoying each other's company, and saving the poor plum tree from it's pain of bearing juicy delicious treats.

I am really fed up with everything and everyone right now. For those of you who will attack and say this is for attention, or that I should talk to real friends, not people online; I'm not doing it for fucking attention, and I've already talked to my friends. Nothing they say is helping me and I really just need to do something to keep busy. Hence I am typing out everything I am feeling at the current moment. I have no water or gas in the house, my dad may be dying, I may have to go back to living with my mother, whom I call Satan for very good reasons; In just the past week alone I have had my ipod give out completely, my new backpack for school get ruined and trashed, my cell phone get washed and become worthless, and my mother and father both blaming everything that is wrong in their lives on me. I haven't been able to shower for over three days now for multiple reasons, and I am trying to get a job right now as I am badly in need of money to call my own. My best friend may be pregnant and I am trying to be here for her. And on top of all of this, my boyfriend has told me that he is going to jail for 3 years because of a lie his "friend" said to said friend's parents. He was/is being charged with assault 2 because his "friend's" knife cut his own face. He wasn't even supposed to have the fucking knife there anyway, as he was at my boyfriend's house, and there were really young children present. So now I'm basically losing everything that I have. My possesions are still 2100 miles away on the other side of the country, and there is so far no definate plans to retrieve them. One of my pets died a few weeks ago, and I have nothing to do with my day other than sit online all day. But as this only prompts me to think, I am constantly thinking about what is going to happen to my life. I have recently begun to regret NOT killing myself when I had the opportunity 5 or 6 months ago, but I have promises to protect certain people, and have to carry on the legacy of two departed friends, therefore am finding it impossible to do anything I want. I am currently planning to walk around Lexington tomorrow just to walk. Even though there are certain people who will probably kill me for doing so, I don't care. I really need out and am going to try and apply for emancipation soon, as well as find a place of my own or someone to stay with. I am going to apply to as many jobs as I can tomorrow and am hoping for the best. Right now I am so scared however, that I can't feel anything. Scalding food didn't even phase me, and I can't feel anything in my heart either. Which is odd for me. And even though I have been crying for the past few hours, which is another odd thing from me, I cannot feel them, or anything else. As much as I'm sure you don't care, all I can say if fuck off. I don't care for flamers right now. And I don't care for people with attitudes, or people who cannot spell or type worth shit, or people who are just trying to boost the number of posts they have. All I can say to all of you is to fuck off and leave me alone. I don't have to explain myself to anyone, yet I did at the beginning of this. So go away and shut the fuck up. Yes, it is a lot of drama. And considering I've survived the murder of my grandparents, the suicide of my best friend, and the death of another friend from a car accident, I'd at least say I'm hanging in there. It comforts me greatly knowing that I can at least help someone when I'm hurting. Even my life isn't the worst, Imagine how my boyfriend feels, knowing he's completely innocent, and is facing so much time in jail for a ten year olds mistake. I hope there's no one reading this and not responding because they are afraid. I did not intend for this to become a haven, however it shall be as such from now on. I really would like to hear what other people are going through, and together maybe we can patch up a little bit of ourselves before facing another tomorrow. People who complain incessently and do not believe there are people with worse problems are rather annoying, but I suppose they haven't had the chance to lead an unsheltered life for long, thus not gaining the level of maturity it takes to accept things as they come and realize that not everything is absolutely horrid. I wouldn't take anything back in my life, not one thing. I've considered a couple things, but I wouldn't because every detail, no matter how horrid, makes me who I am today. And I accept and even appreciate that. I don't doubt I will make it. I promised his mother I would keep him safe. "Keep my baby safe for me okay?" And I intend to keep my promise. But it's going to be rougher than anything I've ever had in my life before, and that is what makes me so anxious and worried and...well, scared, right now. Trying to imagine a hell worse than that which I have thusfar overcome. If there is ever a time I needed him, it is now. But I'm afraid I simply do not want to risk annoyance, as I am sure they are under a lot of stress right now, and would like some time to think things out on their own, as a family. I do not like the idea of leaving this alone, but I fear I have no choice in the matter. At least not currently. Farewell for now. Hopefully I shall post again before too long.

I am very confused right now by something someone wrote. I just got back from Rocky Horror Picture Show, and should be happy. My friends are in my bed sleeping and I am on here, feeling more tired than I believe I have ever been in my life; Yet I cannot bring my mind to overpower itself and give in to the extreme burning sensation in my eyes. I don't care if any reads this. I really don't need anyone to read it, I just needed to see it for myself, in the hopes that it would somehow help me. This person is currently about an hour and a half's walk from here, and I really want to go see them, but it is 5:30 in the morning, and my neighborhood isn't one for a 16 1/2 year old girl to be walking alone in. [pause] *sigh* For once there is a puzzle that utterly escapes and confuses even my mind. And as if there is not enough inherant worry in that itself, the cause for the confusion, i.e. the words said person wrote, are superbley mind-blowingly...complex. The words are not. The words are as follows: "FUCK LIVING A FUCKING LIE EVERY FUCKING DAY OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE, BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING CRITISIZED FOR BEING WHO YOU FUCKING ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!" I even counted the number of "!" this person put. 12. There are 12 exactly. I have not eaten since about wednsday, and haven't drank since yesterday, in which I consumed the barest of volumes of water, maybe a tablespoon's worth, to swallow pain pills. Just 2. 2 pills for the pain. Pain. Yes. Pain was my friend so often before, and I dislike it greatly when it resides in those so close to me. Is there pain in this person's words? Surely. But what do they mean? How do they hurt? Why can I not help? Who is critisizing them so harshly that they must resort to living a lie? When did all this start, and when will it stop? I beg pardon from those of you whom have wandered into this emotional deathtrap. I understand I do not know any of you, and that none of you really care about what I'm saying. But as I said before. I really didn't post this to make you guys read it, reply, or do any such thing. I don't want attention, I've had enough for the night. But I simply had to see these thoughts out and attempt to connect some sort of logic to the illogical strand of nonsense that so obviously is of utmost importance to this person. [blink] If you have read this, I apologize for time and space wasted. Please do not argue anything right now. I have no patience for unintelligable idiots who choose to wander around picking fights with easy targets. It's low. I despise low. And will not stoop to that level. Not now. Not tonight. Maybe later. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. Good-night.

June 17, 2007

I am unfortunately in another situation where I cannot decide for myself what I shall do next. My previous attempt to locate a job in which I would be happy, and comfortable in has ended in a rather unsatisfying way. I reached out and attempted to make contact with the person in charge, however upon introducing myself, I found that his face contorted in a grimace, and he replied to my greeting with words of polite nature, and impolite meaning. I am finding myself further and further under the pressure to locate a job and become settled in a life of my own making. Rather to my own distaste, I am finding it difficult to accomplish the mental list I have constructed to complete in as short a space of time as I possibly can. And as I once again feel the mounting need to be around the people I love, I am finding more and more of them either busy, or requiring assistance of some sort. I absolutely adore helping them, and it takes my mind off of the things I am facing at hand, and even at times resolves some of the issues I have been battling. But as Sara leaves on an adventure of grandiose proportions, and other friends remain out of reach, I find a heavy weight settling itself upon my shoulders once again. It has become a routine of some sorts that I should go up and down with my inner self, and the self that everyone expects, and the self that everyone sees. I know not when to behave in what way, nor do I know when I should not behave in said way. I confuse myself easily, and find it difficult to sit still even as my mind shifts constantly and refuses to think in silence. Sleep eludes me quite often as my mind still has the last bursts of hiccoughing flame it must retort into the one sided argument. I find my creativity alternately wavering and protruding with strength. I want to help everyone around me as I feel that they are going through very harsh times indeed. I think often of my future goals, and how I must go about achieving even the most simplistic of demands. I find myself blamed for a great many deeds for which I have had no role in the making of. Even those that have made pledges to me that they would not set undo blame without due cause. I do not understand what part of my nature makes me so irresistable as the scape goat for the actions of other persons, yet I find there IS something about me. There just has to be, for how many people there are for whom I am the backup plan. Although, I must admit, I do enjoy helping those around me, and I will continue to do so. I understand that this entry is rather short and without details, but it is currently fifteen minutes until 2 AM, and I must get the lack-of-sleep that I usually do. Fare thee well friends 'til next we meet!

June 6, 2007

Today is going to be a much better day, I can already forsee such things. And if I am to be disappointed, then I shall take it as it comes, and walk it off when I am finished. Today marks the 3 month anniversary of my Love and I being together. I can so clearly remember the night we found out how the other felt for ourselves. It was on an Instant Messenger, and we were having multiple conversations within the confines of the one. We had gotten on the subject of what our futures might hold in store for us, and started talking about what we looked for, and how we would know when we had found the right one. My Love then brought it up that you would get butterflies in your stomach at the thought of the person, you never stopped thinking about the person, and that you would do anything to see that person. As these words spilt forth from the lips of my Angel, I thought the whole time of only one person. One person was doing all that for me, and I was talking to him! *smiles* Then I think my heart nearly fell through to Venus when he said he already felt that way for someone. I was absolutely certain it couldn't possibly be me, and so I felt pressed to urge him onward and disclose whom this woman was. He played with my mind for several minutes, and my hopes were alternately dashed and risen as he kept scooting closer and closer to the truth. "It's a real bombshell" Was spoken at one point, and I remember feeling my heart nearly die for a millionth consecutive time in the span of 5 minutes. Then he said, "It is..." And I sat and awaited anxiously on the tip of my chair as ir rocked back and forth on its edge, waiting for the answer. The bottom of the screen said sngnev "is typing a message" And I awaited for it to say "Last message sent", for until such a time, I would not know whom had captured so much of my Love's heart, and life. And then he further murdered my soul when he came back with a "nunya!!" I would have like to have died then, rather than sit and wait for further honesty. Knowing he did not want to disclose the information to me at such a time, I felt I couldn't leave that night without knowing who she was. So I pressed onward even harder than I had afore done. By this point, my hands were shaking so horridly it was difficult to type even nonsense, let alone any ledgible or coherent words. My mouth and esophogaus were dry, and pounding with the beat of my heart as it slammed at my throat, desperate for escape from the confines of ignorance. Never before had I not been able to learn something I wished to have the knowledge of, and it hit and sliced at every inch of my body, desperate to have the knowledge. Then as I looked up to the screen, I noticed he had replied, and my heart skipped a beat, anxious to return to its cavity. "if this were turned around, would you tell me" Is something of how it went. My heart again leaped to my throat, making, I believe, progress in its escape from my body. If I had previously believed my hands were shaking, I had been sorely mistaken. By now the convulsions had progressed throughout my body, and though it was warm in my homestead, I felt chilled; Difficult as it was, for my face had never been warmer. I knew I could not lie to him, for that defeated the purpose of loving him, and I knew how difficult it was even to simply think about saying whom has our love, when we are speaking with them as it was. But the I cannot lie won out. I replied that yes, I would tell. Instantly it seemed, or maybe I had just fell faint and dillusional from convulsions and lack of proper air, he replied with a who. It was that moment that seemed like there was no turning back. I would surely lose one of my best friends, and the one who carried my heart, even if he knew not of such things. I couldn't see the letters, but I knew where they were, I had to know where they were. I first typed y, and paused, desperate to find an excuse to leave. But as Father was not home, and there were no chores to do, I typed the o. The u was so diffucult in it's forthcoming, I thought even childbirth must be easier. But as my hands spazzed, I suddenly shoved away the fear that had gripped me and slammed down my hand on the u, and slid it over to the enter. Momentary hesitation, and then it was blinking up onto the screen in front of me. I prayed to no one in particular that he wouldn't see it, that the connection be lost, anything. Anything to get me out of what I had just done. It said he was typing, and then he erased it, for it said nothing further. Then, blinking in front me in what seemed like words made from pure electricity, were the words, "and I you". I never will forget them, for though I thought it impossible, I died again in that moment. I thought surely he was joking, making a fool of me, but all thoughts were for naught. As oft' as I had died that night, I died once more as he said that one could not share as many experiances with another and not feel a connection. I was so extatic, my hands took on minds of their own, as did my vocal chords. Squealing as I were a piglet, and shaking as I were a leper, I felt the urge to hold the moniter and forever imprint those words in my skin. That moment is what my Love and I count as our first moments of "us". March 6. 2007 will never be a day left behind in memory for me. Well, as this is the start of the day, it only being 12:41 pm, I shall hopefully say more later this eve, however if such ideas prove false, on the morrow I shall tell you more, on my word. I shall leave you now with a few parting words, but first I will wish you good-day, and apologize for this becoming an anniversary abomination. Good-day again, and blessed be to all ye kith, and kin, and to thee as well. Farewell for now! :D

June 5, 2007

Today finds me in an odd spot. I have a lot of emotions finding their way into me rightnow. Tomorrow marks the 3 month anniversary of my Love and I finding each other, and showing our true feelings for each other. I know not what we shall do to celebrate, nor whether we shall celebrate at all, however. I do know that I must find a floral growth of new proportions and give it to my Love. Currently there is no food in the house, nor is there money. Gas has been shut off for months now; Water and electricity are due to be shut off, There is a 7-day notice to pay rent or leave; There is no gas in the car; Father hasn't worked in days; What little paycheck there is is made proportionally smaller due to debt garnishments, and on top of that, Father is sick; Therefore annoyed easily. Currently it is 7:30 p.m.; It hailed today. Not surprising, as this is KY, and if you don't like the weather here, wait 5 minutes. It'll change. My Love is sick again, which has me a bit worried. Poor thing has been sick so oft' in the past few weeks, I'm beginning to wonder if he's got the plague! *laughs lightly* I've begun to get closer to Sara, yet have concurrently begun to grow apart from Tamaria, though it pains me to admit such a feat. Mere months ago it seems we were so inseparable, we would have fallen on each other's shadow! Sadly now, even a glimse of the other's shadow would be a moment worth marks. I am quite extatic for the time of summer is upon us, and that means no school for now. It also means that with the appearance of school's ugly head in August, I shall roam the halls as a senior! This makes me happier than I thought I would be about school in years. The only thing making me happier right now is my Love. He is my life, and my soul, and I would do anything for him, should he ask. He is so good to me, and so sweet, that I oft' wonder, plague or not, if he is an angel walking on this earth, should such beings exist. My entire waking life is spent thinking of him, as he has captured my heart. My dreams are filled with him, and my breaths are whining for him. I suddenly feel quite ill. I have had this feeling many times lately, and I wish I could know why that is. My back pains me, and my stomach ails me. I feel as if I need to vomit constantly. That was unneeded information, and I apologize. But my hands type what I think, and I think what I feel, therefore whatever I feel at the moment, you shall read. Assuming, of course, I still have your attention. If you have made it thus far, surprise escapes me. I would have to wonder at your insanity as well as mine if you are still with me. Many things are bothering me right now, and I welcome a busy schedule at almost all times. I have managed to keep hold of my insanity by inviting people over almost constantly, or going somewhere with someone, even if there is nothing to do when we reach that somewhere. I have applied for a job at the new Walgreens down the road, and have not heard fromthem. Father says I should harass them, and not wait for them to get ahold of me, however I find that highly improper, and utterly rude. I may actually walk up to the store tomorrow and see if they would like to talk to me, or if they even got my application at all. Father just threw away a pile of pancake mix, because he had added too much water, and it wouldn't cook, so he dumped some water out, making it too thick to cook. Now he has only one pancake to eat, and the last of the pancake mix was used to make the one pancake. (Obviously excluding the ruined one he threw away.) And I am starting to worry. Still with me? Quite a surprise that is! *smiles* You are one very brave soul indeed if you are willing to brave the unknown depths of my mind. And this meaningless pile of words has naught a candle to the actuality of my mind. I am quite the personality, and am not one to be tread heavily around. I tend to get anxious easily if there is something worth getting anxious over; I tend to be quite friendly until someone does something to seriously anger me: I tend to be the funny person in a group of people, and the one that everyone likes; On the occasion that there is someone that dislikes me, I would greatly prefer that they not hide it, and that they tell me upfront if they have a problem with me. I am quite happy to discuss many things with people, including my beliefs. One of which is that I can't stand people who hurt people I care about. And I find it quite amusing when people try to hurt me and/or my pride with their words. I simply take them in stride and laugh them off, as I enjoy them greatly. I have somehow managed to turn this into an all about me segment, which should be reserved for other places, times, and people. If, however, you remain interested in me, and would like to get to know me further, or would like to read more about me and my mind, and the people and things in it, feel free to contact me when you get the free time from your own personal schedule. I have several websites that describe me, and each contains a separate personality and part of me. I would be more than happy to return any messages you may send in my direction, and do promise to get back to you as promptly and honestly as I possibly can at the time. Thank you so much for hanging in there with me as long as you have, I understand it was not an easy thing to do. I will attempt to post another entry as soon as possible. Please do reply and contain my boredom...I would greatly appreciate any comments you may say, even the rude ones. I find those the most interesting. :D